Not that you asked

Here's just a few random thoughts I've had lately, and now I have enough to make a column. This will give me more time to look through an atlas for a new home, just in case.

Since I just alluded to the current election, that reminds me that I have a new idea for an IQ test for the Department of Education. It would only have one question. What is it? "Would you vote for Donald Trump for President?" If you don't know the correct answer, seek medical attention immediately.

I'm feeling pretty stupid right now because it has just occurred to me how obvious it is that Trickle Down Economics is a scam. That's the crazy theory that if the very wealthy pay no taxes or have to face any government regulations, they will make so much new wealth that it will trickle down to the rest of us. I'm feeling stupid because the proof that it is a scam has been right in front of me in plain sight.

It's the name itself, Trickle Down. A trickle, by definition, is a very small amount, and that's exactly what the rest of us have gotten every time we fell for this glorified ponzi scheme. When the guys that came up with this idea come up with a new economic plan that they can honestly call "Gush Down" or "Flood Down," I'll be willing to listen. Until then they can go back to their old jobs as carnival barkers.

One of my pet peeves is the practice of tipping, for two reasons. One is that it allows employers to legally pay employees less than the minimum wage, and the other is that they keep increasing the number of people who should get them. That first reason makes waiters, cooks, and busboys dependent on tips just to get by. Wouldn't it be better to pay those employees a living wage and cut out the tips? Just raise prices by 20 percent so the customer can just pay the bill and be done with it. I'm tired of trying to figure out percentages in my head every time the check comes. I go out to eat to relax, not take a math test.

I also have a problem with some of the people who expect tips these days. I can understand tips for waiters and bellhops, but bartenders? You go into a bar and pay a ridiculous price for a beer in the first place, and then the guy who performs the monumental feat of taking it out of the cooler and handing it to you expects a tip for his "labor."

Let me illustrate how silly this is by comparing it to a job that no longer exists. Before the Arabs realized that they could use oil as a weapon, gasoline cost 36 cents a gallon. On top of that, an attendant would come out to your car and put the gas in for you. He would also clean your windshield and check your oil and tires. After doing all of that neither he nor the customer thought he should get a tip, yet a bartender expects one.

In fact, our whole way of selling gasoline has gone insane. Back when gas was so cheap, you bought it at gas stations where you got all of that service, plus they also offered maintenance service like fixing flats and oil changes. Also, air was free. Now that gas is expensive you can only get it at convenience stores, whose very name is an oxymoron. They don't offer any kind of car service, you pump your own gas and clean your own windshield. Oh yeah, if you need air in your tire, it costs 75 cents.

I used to think that people were smart enough to realize what a ripoff that is. That was before so many of them fell for another con man called Donald Trump.