You might be a redneck if…

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

You know the old saying that you can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl. Well, I'm living proof.

My husband Josh and I recently went to a fundraising dinner. This was a very fancy and expensive event, so from the very beginning I knew I should be on my most sophisticated, best behavior.

There was a small reception before the actual dinner featuring hors d'oeuvre, or snacks as us country folk like to call them. As I looked over the pretty table of cheeses, fruits and various dips, I picked up a plate and fork at the beginning of the line. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where "sophisticated Sam" quickly became small town girl.

There in my hand was something that looked like real silver wear. It was shiny like metal. It even had a scalloped design like the fancy stuff grandma always used. But low and behold, it was plastic. It was fake, an imposter! It was counterfeit silver wear just posing to be the real thing.

Of course, at that moment, I did what any true redneck girl would do.

I practically grabbed the catering lady across the table and in my most unsophisticated voice exclaimed… Oh my goodness!!! Where did you get these fancy plastic forks? Can you get them at Wal-Mart (every rednecks favorite place)?

The much embarrassed caterer ducked away from me and mumbled something about getting them at an entertainer's showcase she attended.

And, much to the horror of the fancified folks around me, I did what every true redneck person would do. I put one of those fancy, smancy forks right in my purse. This is something that had to be shared with the rest of the world. Besides, my mother would never believe me without some kind of proof.

And, for the next week, I proudly showed off my fork to anyone who came into my office. And not a single person figured out it was phony until they picked it up and held it themselves.

So call me redneck or just plain country if you want to, but I bet you don't have a shiny fake fork, now do you?