An Open Letter to Blanche Lincoln

Excuse me for assuming we are on a first name basis, but I have voted for you every time you have been on the ballot, and I do help pay your salary, so what did you expect?

Anyway, I'm writing to you because there is some talk that you might have a hard time getting re-elected next year. They may be thinking that because of how well Jim Holt did against you five years ago. If that is so, they are very wrong.

That was also the year that we voted on whether or not gay people could get married in Arkansas. Every clodhopper in the state with more teeth than I.Q. points came to the polls to vote no on gay marriage. You would have thought there were gangs of gay couples massing at our border just waiting to come to Arkansas and get married if we didn't. That's where Jim Holt's votes came from.

Since there could be another such issue on the ballot next year, you need to do something now just in case. I have an idea, and it is a brilliant one as most of mine tend to be. All you have to do is introduce a bill as soon as possible that would reimburse homeowners and businesses that take steps to make their homes and businesses more energy efficient.

I think it is a brilliant idea because it is something I would do to my house if I could afford it. I would do it because it would be good for the environment, but mainly it would lower my utility bills. That's the point you have to sell it to Congress and the voters.

This plan is such a winner in so many ways. Think of all of those carpenters that are out of work because nobody is building a house. They could go back to work insulating attics, installing energy efficient windows and even installing solar panels. They'll love you.

Think of all of the businesses that sell these products. You could be single handedly saving jobs at Lowe's, Home Depot and, of course, Wal-Mart. Those people are going to love you too.

Now, think of all of those homeowners who will have lower utility bills without being hot in the summer and cold in the winter. They'll love you so much they might send some of the money they save to you as a campaign contribution. You'll love that.

Of course, another good thing about this plan is that it will slow global warming, but we don't have to tell people that. For some folks back here in Arkansas, global warming isn't nearly as scary as letting that lesbian legislator chair the budget committee.

I admit, I don't know the mechanics of how to put this bill together, but, heck, I had to leave something for you to do.